The Journey

  I am noticing a real difference..  A sense of calm is coming over me. I have had a lifetime of hurt, confusion, and fear so imbedded inside of me.  All of the separate instances of various tragedies started to mesh together and became one great big noise. I  became accustomed to discomfort and to using so many things to distract me from truth.  Drugs, drinking, gambling, woman, work, money, and all of the rest of the things that for just a moment made me feel okay.  For the first time in my life,  that need is gone.  I am starting to see the promises.
  There is true power in writing.  As I lay things out on paper that noise in my head becomes less and less.  It's a release.  Most of all what I am finding, is that all of those big deals were only big when they were lumped together.  As I separate them.  They lose steam.  They are not so big.  As I separate them I see them for what they are.  I see my part in them.  I see where I have been so fearful,  and can now be faithful.   I see all of the areas that I have been so self seeking, and I can now be of service.  As I clean house I am starting to see all of the possibilities that lie in front of me.  In living a directed life I am beginning to enjoy favor.  Not so long ago I had truly come to understand why some people take their own lives, I was on the edge of being one.... Instead I am beginning to know a new peace and live a life that I never thought was possible..  That thought overwhelms me.