End Of The Road

  Two days ago I did something I really never thought I would do.  I filed for divorce.  Ultimately of course that's not what I wanted, but it's an overwhelming burden to be married to someone that doesn't love you anymore.  What I realized after completing this process is it's an overwhelming relief to finally just let go.  All of the fire from years of the yeah but you did this and the just whose fault was it game just smokes right out.  Isn't that amazing?  To have so much negative emotion fueling the majority of a relationship you have with someone over the exact same issues for years... just gone.  Is that Gods gift? Or is it maybe those issues were just really never that important in the first place?
  I went out of town with friends and sat with the fact that when I got back I was going to do this.  Honeslty though, in the back of my mind,  I was waiting for God to step in.  As the deadline approached I felt more and more anxious. "Where are you"?
 I stayed plugged in with my support systems. Constantly feeding off the wisdom and direction that is given to me through others. I would be at peace for a little bit and then the anxiety would start to return and as I look back over the last week, every time I would start to feel like I was going to crumble my phone would ring or someone near me would notice I had gone quiet and ask if I was okay.  Encouragement ignites the spirit, especially coming from people that have been there.  To see that there is life on the other side of this through the testimony of others who have gone through it.

I wouldn't have made it this far without it.

  It took six months to plan our wedding and almost $25,000.00 to pay for it.  It took maybe an hour to fill out the paperwork and another 10 minutes to file for divorce. Oh and the cost to break up a family?  $335.00.  Think about that for a minute.
  So really I have been a bit numb for the last two days or so.  Today though I woke up with a bit of a struggle going on.  I got on the phone, I got on my knees, and I went to a support group near my office.  I had never been to this group before and had to leave a little early and as I went outside I heard someone whisper my name, "Kevin". 
  I turned around and looked through the glass door now closing between us and saw this huge guy coming my way.  The door opens and standing in front of me was a guy I was in a drug treatment center with 2 years ago. He put his arms around me and I mean embraced me. It's impossible to have that happen and not feel something.  This guy had gotten through treatment about the same time as I did but started using again immediately.  He was a IV user and was consumed by a cocaine addiction.  I remember the last time I saw him his eyes were glazed over and he could barely make a sentence.  I was back at the treatment center visiting someone and he had checked back in, desparate to save his own life.

He has been clean ever since that day.

  We talked for a bit and I got his number and jumped in my car and he went back inside.  I put the key in the ignition and I could hear a clear voice "can you see me now"?  Tears welled up in my eyes and are welling up in my eyes right now writing this.  It hit me that I was just witness to the presence of God.  I just embraced a walking miracle.  "You have no idea the life I have in store for you.  This is not the end of the road, it's just the beginning".

STAY ENCOURAGED.